Sushi and Group Flailing Classes, I Guess I Do Like Them.

We're sitting, sweat-marked, in a tiny sushi joint in the waterfront village by my home.  We're next to the  fireplace and my cheeks are still flushed from a 90-minute boot camp class that had me leaping Mr.Bean style over yellow pylons and pedaling frantically into nowhere while lying on my back on a perspiration soaked mat.  There's a man in a wheelchair in front of us, solo, sipping white wine and flipping through the paper, untouched maki just off to his left.  Flickering light washes through the restaurant and the fish tank in the corner swishes, whirs.  There is a hand on my left leg and a man attached to it: he's rummaging through the menu.

"Greek rolls?  They have feta and onion - there's these Burn In Hell rolls, hot sauce and spicy scallops, let's get those!"

I murmer, either sounds good, and I am looking at the man in front of me, slowly sidling through the classifieds and I think: I hope he doesn't feel alone.

I'm overwhelmed with something that resembles tears but inches toward gratitude.   I have just finished a rigorous fitness class in front of others, something I have never contemplated.  I'm enjoying sushi.  I'm in love, immeasurably, for the first time. I'm doing things I never imagined I would do, could do.  I sometimes can't believe this is my life.

***

Every once in a while I'll receive a random comment on a very old entry in a blog post.  This weekend I received a comment , a mean one. I don't get many of those, and this one I just deleted, but of course it stuck with me.  They always do.

The commenter said that I'd spent far too much time looking for a boyfriend, and not enough time with my boy.  These are years, she noted, in the sniffly self-righteous tone reserved for the anonymous, you'll never get back with him.

Sometimes I wish that this blog offered more than just a pinpoint view.  I would never, ever sacrifice time with my son for a man.  Having a man in our lives, one we both adore, has enhanced and enriched and not taken away.  I understand too fiercely that my days with my son are speeding by, rapid fire, and I continue to cherish the spots of time where it's just he and I against the forest.

A Sunday afternoon amble through towering trees, over banana slugs and through giant puddles of doom. 

He is such a big, robust boy.  He brims with sensitivity, sweetness, and stubborn indignation in equal doses.  His athleticism and joie de vivre inspire me everyday.

Indian Arm from the woods above.

***

One last thing, I've tweeted it and mentioned it before but I wanted to remind you again: Kate and I will be having a beverage at Steamworks Pub in Gastown tomorrow night at 8ish.  I'm dragging Corey, and Teej, Hilllary, Gwen and Kgrrrl, (and maybe Angella D?) we're excited to see you.  Anyone else?  Meeting People from the Internet is funner than boot camp, without fail. 

Comments

[Lucy]

Please, as if that anonymous commenter has any idea what she's talking about. I'm not sure whose blog she's reading to get that viewpoint but it's sure as he'll not this one.

[Angella]

Tell the haters to suck it. I have seen you in action with Nolan more than once and the bond between you is beautiful.

Sadly, I can't make it. I am weeping and rending my garments. I'm going to have to wait until Christmas (Maybe) to finally meet Corey and NY next year to see Kate again.

Please excuse me while I go pout in the corner.

[Sarah]

your blog has been an inspiration to me and made me believe i would someday find love like that. i thought - if you could find someone so perfect for you then surely i could find that too. i wrote down exactly what i wanted in a man and a month ago he walked into my life. every day feels like i'm living in a movie and i am so grateful. thank you for helping me to see the possibilities.

[hillary]

I reckon we should figure out a way to kidnap Angella.
I'm excited for tomorrow and not just because I get to indulge in pumpkin beer :)

[Danielle]

I recieved a real judgmental comment on a post recently also. It was one post about how I had a "party weekend". Obviously they didn't read anything else about me, just one post of one weekend in my life.
Some people just like to be mean. It makes them happy.

[telegirl]

Good grief. It's obvious how much you cherish your son. I can't imagine how hard it would be to do this, but just ignore people like that. And, delete their hateful comments.

Wish I was up in your neck of the woods to join you. But am still in Oregon and 8 1/2 months pregnant. Guess that kind of kills the opportunity on multiple levels, huh? :o)

[BHJ]

Some guy just called me a pretentious twit. And a couple weeks ago, I got called a pretentious twat. Still waiting on twet, twot, and twut.

I guess you're pretentious if you read books. Wait. That sounded pretentious. Fuck. I'm pretentious.

[K]

I have been following you since you were pregnant with Nolan. I have never, ever, for one minute doubted the love you have for him, the time you spend with him, and your desire to be a fantastic mother to him. It's completely obvious in your writing how much you desire to make Nolan as whole and complete as you can.

I remember reading one time where you mentioned you had never raised your voice to him. That inspired me. While I don't yell at my kids on the regular, there have absolutely been stressed out times where I have raised my voice. I have always remembered what you wrote immediately after I raise my voice and it completely centers me and helps me get back to reality. So, there you go. :)

[Kristen]

I have been trolling for a couple of years and am so glad you are still writing. I love the way you write and your perspective, and being local I love when you write about our amazing surroundings. Your love for your son oozes out in your writing. You can tell you put him first and are doing the best you can with the cards you have been dealt. Now you have met an incredible match and there has to be that annonymous asshole to try and put a damper on things. C'est la vie.

Oh, and you also have a great name... ;)

[Reid]

Ug. Sushi.

[Carol]

I'd love to be there, but I might be later, like 9:30 ish. I hope everyone will still be there. I would love to meet you and Kate and the rest.

[Kgrrrl]

Will be there, with bells on - obviously ;) I was just going to ask where we're all meeting - I guess I only had to read your blog ;)
So, hi everyone! see you tomorrow, can't wait to come out!

[Kgrrrl]

PS... sushi rocks, all the time. We need to do an 'Eatery' night, the stuff is amazing!!
PPS - I've seen you with Nolan many times, he's your number 1. this I know.
You also aren't obsessed with your son, he's your side-kick, which is the perfect way of describing it. He's with you, beside you, near you, and part of you. Unless you've seen it, as you said - you're only reading part of it.
People read you for you.
The rest can get over it.

[k]

I wanted to add that you are the first blogger to have ever put into words the feelings I have for my kids. I don't have that gift, but whenever you write about Nolan, I always say, "yes, that's it, that's how I feel about my kids."

[Hänni]

Kristen, though it touched a nerve for you, the anonymous commenter was most surely projecting about herself and her guilt. People don't leave comments like that unless they have a personal stake.

[pvz]

It's amazing just how much people (anonymous and otherwise) feel they can tell you about your life.

I'd like to reassure you that there are some of us reading who understand that a blog, like every other type of writing (essay, fiction, drama...) is necessarily a filtered subset of reality (whatever *that* is!). I wish our "don't let the bastards get you down" comments would make it all better, but I know it's hard not to take things personally. Just know not everyone is passing that kind of judgment.

[justJENN]

Mean comments stick with me too. Especially when it's something off the cuff I talked about 5 years ago.
Jerks.
You guys look happy. Which is FANTASTIC.

[Amber]

Jealousy is a b*tch!!! I'm sure that's where that hateful comment stemmed from! Move on, you are in a wonderful place in your life. Let the mean comments roll off your back and keep on enjoying that fabulous life of your's!

[Amy]

The thing is, love doesn't divide, it multiplies.

[Liz Brooks]

People are mostly idiots. Sorry bout the haters ;)

[nomi]

Transparent post from that reader. Jealousy through and through.

[Chrispy]

I wished I lived in Van. sigh.

[julia]

i'm having my inaugural strongbow kristin!

this shit rawks!

one question though - are you drinking it out of a bottle, a can or (gasp, be still my heart) the tap?

[Farrell]

pppfht. is that a word? It is now. Yeah, so I guess you're not supposed to have a life OUTSIDE of your son? And like, you're NOT ALLOWED to talk about anything else? Especially not anything JUICY to your readers like being a single lady (in the past) out on the town, meeting boys, LIVING LIFE?
And annony is critizing you, but NATURALLY left a no-name comment.
FIGURES.