The glass was smashed in a thousand different shards, covering the front seat and the sidewalk and we stared blankly at each other. He slowly sank down into the driver's side and ran his hands slowly over the seat, plucking glass on to the sidewalk.
"My new jeans are gone. Your yoga pants. My passport, god."
The passport was new and shiny: a badge of restored citizenry and responsibility after years of bleary irresponsibility and wound licking. I looked at him: felt my eyes watery, teary and I wanted to hug him and punch him and I pushed the buttons of my smeared blackberry and called the Canadian consulate. I listened to the recording.
"They're closed," I mouthed,"They will not reopen until Tuesday."
"I'm here till at least Tuesday." he slumped against the wounded car.
"I think a lot longer than that. It might take a week to get an emergency passport issued."
I contemplated leaving there, flying home to my bed solo, retreating into the forest with my son where we could make giant red Maple Leaf forts and race to the beach to find scuttling crabs in the swirling grey, just the two of us again.
It wasn't an option I could contemplate.
***
In the end, we canceled our 7PM tickets home and bought new ones for the morning, to Seattle, where we would take a bus to Vancouver and attempt to cross the border with insufficient ID. It was sketchy as all fuck, and we were both beyond chainsmoked and charred but there weren't a lot of options.
At the Comfort Inn they charged us $ 158.00 for the Shittiest Room in the History of Mankind. Normally, Sandhu apologized, Normally is 60 dollars, yes, but tonight is busy because of Oracle conference. So rate is higher! Sorry!
We nodded wearily.
The bathroom stank like mushrooms in paper baggies, forgotten in a vegetable tray and slumber was impossible amidst the swishing, tumbling emotion but at around 1AM it came, finally.
At 1:07 AM the shitty hotel phone rang. I startled up blearily, puffy eyed, wondering with alarm who was calling our hotel room in the middle of the night. The bandit with the passport, wanting cash? A talking squirrel, the goddamned devil himself? All possibilities seemed equal.
"Are you having a shower?" the stern voice inquired.
"What? WHA? It's 1:07 AM. No."
"Yes, well, there is a leak under your room."
I looked at Corey, who hadn't yet closed his eyes, and he looked at me and we started laughing, uncontrollably, until our sides hurt. Then we moved toward each other, inching, and then the shitty painting behind us fell off from behind the bed and crashed into Corey's butt, shattering glass around the room.
"Awesome," I stared at him through the half dark and traced his face with my finger.
"I love you."
"I know."
***
There is work to be done. There is trust to be gained and forgiveness to be sealed and strength to be built but there will be no bridges burned, thank you Leah and Simon
Thank you for your emails, Internet, I'm not sure I've ever received so many amazing notes of support and encouragement. I appreciate you so much. I am good. Things are OK. We'll be fine, I think.
When I read the last post, I had two thoughts immediately come to mind.
The first was "trust, Kristen. Trust your instinct." You really do have great instincts and you have earned confidence in them.
The second was "don't, Corey. Don't demand or command forgiveness." The key to a meaningful apology is to offer it unqualified and without condition, including acceptance.
Ordinarily, my curiosity would be burning to know what happened, but oddly, feeling curious in this situation seems disrespectful. I guess I just trust your instincts.
Posted by: Kari | October 15, 2009 at 12:14 AM
Ever realised you've been holding your breath and weren't even aware?
Yeah, that's been me since your last post. I am so very relieved that things are on the mend kitten, so very glad.
Posted by: Lucy | October 15, 2009 at 02:57 AM
I still want to know what the hell happened!
Posted by: Farrell | October 15, 2009 at 04:49 AM
You sound better.....continuing to send you vibes of peace.
Posted by: beach | October 15, 2009 at 05:05 AM
What a cruddy end to your nice weekend. Beyond cruddy, actually. Just wanted to offer my support to you, too. You know what is best for you.
Posted by: Mimi | October 15, 2009 at 07:38 AM
Glad to hear things are moving forward. Kari's comment is REALLY sticking in my head. "Don't demand or command forgiveness.The key to a meaningful apology is to offer it unqualified and without condition, including acceptance." My guy basically demanded forgiveness over something pretty major and my god it blows! I hope Corey truly realizes how he hurt you and tries his DAMNDEST to never have it happen again. It's hard to have your trust yanked on and he's got to earn it back. I wish the best for both of you!
Posted by: Shelly | October 15, 2009 at 08:10 AM
And I thought my recent stay in a Days Inn--where I stepped in dried vomit that wasn't mine--was bad. Your place takes the cake! I'm glad you made it out alive, and still in love to boot!
Posted by: Hänni | October 15, 2009 at 11:01 AM
I don't see how you can be anything but fine in the long run. This isn't just any relationship with any guy. You know this is something bigger than that (and he knows it too), and while some things are definitely NOT worth fighting for in relation to the return you get, some things definitely ARE, and this is one of those things. If everyone goes forward with a committed spirit and true intent, you'll be not just fine but more than fine.
Posted by: Leah | October 15, 2009 at 11:15 AM
Kristen - I don't know you well and didn't know what to say on your last post, but just wanted to say I'm sorry to hear what you are going through and I am glad that you and Corey will be okay. Those words don't seem enough. But I'm rooting for you.
Posted by: sparklytosingle | October 15, 2009 at 01:59 PM
I'm glad the two of you are okay, both individually and as a couple. That's all any of your readers want.
Posted by: Lauren | October 15, 2009 at 02:18 PM
Glad to see this. Continuing to send good, positive thoughts to both of you.
Posted by: Kimberly | October 15, 2009 at 02:20 PM
being able to laugh uncontrollably in the midst of shitty times, is going to be the glue that keeps you two together. god knows that's why my husband and i are still together after MANY ups and downs.
Posted by: joyce | October 15, 2009 at 04:09 PM
I'm glad things are still okay with you and Corey. I'm going through the same thing you are. I'm going through a divorce and have found the special guy that I love with all my heart and this guy has several things in his past that have shocked me and have caused me to contemplate discontinuing the relationship but it's in his past and since I love him and can see a future with him, things are going to stay in the past. :) I'm glad you are sticking it out with Corey to see how things develop. Relationships do have up and downs and if you guys can still laugh, I think that's awesome! Hang in there and I wish I could give you a hug. :)
Posted by: Ang | October 16, 2009 at 08:35 AM
What.Happened? I feel like the outcast while all of the cool girls are talking.
Anyway, this is about you, K - hope everything is ok!
Posted by: Monica C. | October 16, 2009 at 12:02 PM
Just spotted the last two entries so I'm late to this one.
It's hard to comment because there's no information, but it appears you were, or felt, betrayed or let down?
In any case, I hope things are OK and the disappointment wasn't a dealbreaker.
Posted by: Lesley | October 18, 2009 at 12:48 PM
I hope everything will be okay. Best wishes.
Posted by: Margarita | October 19, 2009 at 09:51 AM