There are a few minor downfalls to falling in love. They're minor, of course, compared to all the soaring and planning and glowy feeling of all is right in my world finally, wicked.
But they exist and for me they reside in this order:
1) New requirement for intense concentration at work. Normally my head is to the grindstone and diving crows wearing aquamarine mufflers couldn't shake me from my spreadsheets and prospect lists, but now I have to actively rid myself of images of our weekend together, last night when he said something ridiculously funny, the breakfast I'm making for us all tomorrow morning. Plus those abs, and those arms. And those abs, and *headsnap* yeah, this spreadsheet still needs to get done.
2) Ignoring of some kind of Supremely Fucked Up housing arrangement stuff. I can't get into it here, but I will say: please listen to me when I tell you, no matter how close your relationship, do not buy a house with a sibling. I adore my brother and always will but yeah, we both acknowledge it was damned expensive mistake.
And I can tell you that there is shit happening in this house right now that has to do with a move-in situation in a relationship that's less than 4 months old and it's not mine and there may be sketchy illegal underpinnings and that's all I can say about that. Normally I'd be teetering on rusty tenterhooks from the ceiling about this shit, for now the glowy is gently shoving out the Holy Eff This Is Not Good.
3) The mind numbing and baffling assholery of the ex in regards to my boyfriend. There has been searing rage about the following items in the last week:
- The fact that my boyfriend was in the car when I picked our son up at his house on Sunday (to take them both to dinner at my parents) The wrath was so intense he wouldn't speak to me for three days, including when I asked if I get just come by to get our son's bicycle.
- The fact that I wore the same outfit to pick our son up as I had on the night previous, which is a clear indication that I have been having sex and being disrespectful and essentially should "give my head a fucking shake" (his words, not mine)
The ex has our son on Wednesday nights, I pick him up Thursday mornings at 6:15 and this morning I showed up on time with a latte in my hand, crossing my legs from the 30 minute drive to his house. I asked to use the washroom and he complied and then told me to get out of his house. I gathered N and we set out on a biking trail in the sunshine. 5 minutes later, my Blackberry buzzes, a text:
"Go piss in your boyfriend's bathroom from now on."
Because I'm in love, I did not smash my phone. I just smiled and put it in my pocket.
ohh man. i am really sorry to hear this. i have to say, i am not surprised and i was wondering about this dynamic. your ex is seriously fucked up about you being with corey. i think the difference must be that you've introduced nolan to him, this is a first-right? he is totally threatened and scared and probably realizes his days of shitting on you and you taking it are over. omg i cannot believe he said to go piss in your boyfriend's bathroom. what a child! please, and he's getting all moral over you having sex and wearing the same clothes. like he doesn't have have adult relationships, too. god. does he even listen to himself and realize what a tool he is??
oh, and also corey is way cuter than he is and i'm sure his testosterone is getting all jacked up over that.
i just hope rob can keep it together around nolan. nolan does not need to hear or see his poison towards you or corey. good for you for being smooth and mellow. although, that might just make rob more crazy. sigh.
i am sorry about this, K. hope it works itself out and also the house thing (god this comment is getting long, i'm kinda worked up here) maybe you could look at it from a postive spin, like it was an arrangement that worked best for you both at a time when situations called for it. now what to do about it though. hmm.
Posted by: honeybecke | July 16, 2009 at 11:06 PM
Good for you! I'm so happy you're happy. The ex sounds like he is having a bit of an issue, but yay for blowing it off and focusing on your happiness. Jealousy and insecurity are so unattractive, as is immaturity.
Noted about buying a place w/a sibling.
Posted by: Jac | July 16, 2009 at 11:19 PM
Wow how jealous is he?
Sorry you have to go through this.
Does Corey's hotness make up for it, even just a wee bit?!?
Posted by: Jen | July 17, 2009 at 01:54 AM
man, oh man.... don't let him drag you down to his level. He seems to be spoiling for a fight and a downright nasty one at that. Asshole.
Posted by: catdoggg | July 17, 2009 at 03:03 AM
Holy Jeesh. I'm glad the good is at least sort of balancing the crazy stuff. And ZOMG the last part makes me mad, but I'm glad it's rolling off of you.
Posted by: heatherfeather | July 17, 2009 at 03:05 AM
Classy man, your ex. :o/
Posted by: Anji | July 17, 2009 at 03:42 AM
being in love makes the good times better....and the suck times tolerable....keep floating on!!
Posted by: beach | July 17, 2009 at 04:24 AM
R. is a real turd in a thunderstorm, isn't he?
Posted by: Sue M. | July 17, 2009 at 04:53 AM
Jealous much? Ahh but love does smooth out the harsh edges of life eh?!
Posted by: Christina | July 17, 2009 at 05:45 AM
You know what? I feel for your ex. The way you feel has to be lit up all over your face like the lights of Vegas (a wonderful thing... christ, I can see it from here and I'm thousands of miles away). If he doesn't feel the same way in his life, that's got to be painful for him to see.
And yeah, it makes him behave in that juvenile way, and that sucks. But I bet it feels ten times worse for him to give off than it does for you to receive. It's nothing to do with you, and everything to do with the way it must feel for him to see you in love.
Posted by: sweetsalty kate | July 17, 2009 at 05:58 AM
What a prick. I'm glad that you're in love and have better things to think about than your ex's behaviour. It's his issue to deal with; not yours.
Posted by: Kristin | July 17, 2009 at 06:12 AM
Your ex is a tool. So glad you are happy. :) You deserve it.
Posted by: ashley | July 17, 2009 at 06:14 AM
R is simply reaping what he has sown.
His reaction to the situation ato hand makes it THAT MUCH EASIER for me to have absolutely no sympathy for him whatsoever. None.
You go, girl. ;)
Posted by: Jamie | July 17, 2009 at 06:14 AM
What in the name of sweet jesus on a triscuit does he expect you to do? He's happier when you're alone? He's jealous AND sadistic.
So, so happy to read about your newfound happiness. Your son is so lucky to have you, and so is your new man!
The house stuff will work itself out, I'm sure.
Kudos!
Posted by: Carolyn | July 17, 2009 at 06:19 AM
What the hell is R's problem? As I recall, he moved on rather quickly after you two broke up.
It's hard to believe that this is the same guy who posed in a loin cloth. I used to like him.
What a child.
Posted by: sky | July 17, 2009 at 06:28 AM
Wow. Good for you for taking the high road and not firing back with a biting comment to such a laaame text. It's got to be hard for R to see you moving on so happily, and imagining Nolan growing up with a new man in his life, but wow, he can sure act like he's a pissy 12 year-old! So glad you're not still dealing with those antics every day.
Posted by: Amanda Brown | July 17, 2009 at 07:06 AM
gah, i'm so sorry to hear about your ex's crap. mine is similar, but i am pretty sure he'd never let me in to pee in the first place, even though it's a 2-hour drive for me.
i keep waiting for the anger to abate -- it's been almost 3 years since i left! -- but i see no signs of that yet. the best response, as you have no doubt already discovered, seems to be no response at all. makes him feel like he's pissing in the wind.
which, of course, he is.
Posted by: Amelia | July 17, 2009 at 07:09 AM
At the end, I can just PICTURE you, on your bike, N riding near, both of you with your helmets on. A buzz of the phone, a quick look, and then your smile (and not even MOMENT - no hesitation even - of worry of what the text said). Good for you Kristin. Awesome - and not because of his weirdness, but because of your adult response.
Posted by: BethanyWD | July 17, 2009 at 07:28 AM
Tell douchebag ex to go look up the word "hypocrite" in the dictionary. Meanwhile, you can continue on your happy, healthy, glowing way. :)
Posted by: Groovymarlin | July 17, 2009 at 07:37 AM
Obviously the most mature thing you can do here is pee on his lawn.
That'll learn em.
J.
Posted by: Jason | July 17, 2009 at 08:02 AM
I love what sweetsalty kate wrote. I agree...can you imagine how hard it would have been if the tables were turned and R was the one who found real love before you...and you had to watch N go happily into the waiting couple's car. I don't want to defend your ex, because he's such a dickhead...but just imagine how hard it would be to feel like someone was replacing your role as "dad".
Posted by: joyce | July 17, 2009 at 08:17 AM
I have absolutely no sympathy for R since he's been such a jerkwad to you. And, I completely agree with both groovymarlin & Jason. :o)
Posted by: telegirl | July 17, 2009 at 09:22 AM
I am just reading the signs here and can't figure out why no one else has the balls to say it...get a formal child support order. According to what you've said on this blog (and your previous), your ex does things that aren't particularly nice when he is feeling cornered/jealous/antsy. I would be considering some sort of formal arrangement now before someone shows up on your doorstep with special "papers". I've seen too many friends go through it. Then again it's none of my freaking business so do with it what you will.
Posted by: Kris | July 17, 2009 at 09:31 AM
WOW. I can't believe that your ex is being that way.
Wait. Yes I can.
There have been things unspoken there for a long while now. (From what I've picked up while reading here.)
Enjoy it girl. Enjoy your new man.
And then get back to work!
;)
Posted by: T | July 17, 2009 at 09:57 AM
Dude, I never would've thought of that, but what Kris said makes sense. R. is jealous and controlling, I'd ponder what lengths you think he'll go to to exert that control. It seems to make him happy to make you unhappy. You know?
But otherwise, yay for new love!!
Posted by: erin | July 17, 2009 at 09:57 AM