Discombobulated Heads

You know what's really weird?  I am kind of ashamed of this blog. 

OK, ashamed is the wrong word, but I'm currently at this Conference full of smart ladies attending surreal lectures about vaginas and real human hair and earnest strangers have asked me what blog I write for.  And I always kind of scan the room for an imaginary rescuer and say, ummm ParentDish.   Even though I know the writing is much better over here because it's longer and more detailed, I am scared to say "Better Now", both because it seems to quietly imply that I used to be a lunatic, and because I'm not sure I want strangers to read my personal, intimate thoughts.  Except for you, the thousands of strangers I can't physically see.  That makes it OK, you know, that I can't see you.  And the few women here who do read my personal blog have known me for years and so it doesn't matter. God, bloggers are weird.  Or maybe it's just me.

I think I'm the only single Mom at this conference, though I wouldn't know for sure because I am unable to detatch myself from the few people I know here to introduce myself to bloggers I'm not familiar with.  Thankfully, they don't mind me awkwardly shlemping around with them.

It's 4;30 AM EST, my inside clock is completely gerried so here are some pictures that may or may not give you nightmares.

Here I am with Jenijen and Jenny and a severed head, uncomfortably named Teah.  Teah has real human hair and the goal was to braid it in several flavours, and I kind of sat and uncomfortably stared at my fingers and  tried to not take too much in, you know?  Because, I don't know, the heads all had elaborate makeup and these odd demi-bras and shit and I thought: Man, one of North America's biggest corporations brought me to New Jersey to braid mannequin hair, which incidentally is smoother when one uses Johnson's leave-in conditioner first.  The Conference is earnest and the sponsors genuinely nice, though there are a lot of awkward moments, like when a speaker got up after lunch and said: "Didn't you love that cheesecake with Splenda?"  It kind of feels like living in a commercial, but with a bunch of well written extroverted introverts in new shoes.  Like I said, blogging is weird. (Sidenote: I am lucky enough to work with Jenijen and Jenny and Jesus Pete they are awesome women.)

I am not going to say you are welcome because I am really kind of sorry:

(Photo ripped off from Jenijen's photo stream.)

(Also: I went out for drinks with my ex the bartender and I will tell you about in in my next Thrilling Segment of my Sideshow.  Hint; what was hot 15 years ago might be slightly metrosexual abd heavily ego'd 15 years later.

Also: damn I miss my kid. I keep feeling like my earlobe detatched and I look for it idly, only to realize it's 7000 miles away and I can't have it back yet.  Can't wait to see him.)

Comments

[Angella]

That face is going to haunt me for days.

It's almost as bad as a clown face!

[sweetsalty kate]

Okay, it is SO totally good that I was not able to make it with my distracting, breastfeeding baby in tow, because I would have been a hippie spy. I would have had to cough loudly while saying "ARRRHHHGGGM RECTAL SEEPAGE RRRGGHAH! Oh, excuse me!" when they made the splenda pitch.

But I'm still totally bummed that I didn't get to go, if only to meet you. Have fun, and bring a little anti-corporate anarchy for me, willya?

[Suebob]

Wow. I can't help but think that they could have used that human hair to make something else...like wigs for cancer patients instead of for scary weird hair-braiding dolls. But I'm just cranky that way.

[jonniker]

I have to tell you, I laughed so hard out loud to the point where I woke up the dog at the "Didn't you love that cheesecake with Splenda?" HAAAA. I can picture the whole surreal sponsoredness of the whole thing and it's SO FUNNY, I don't know why.

And that human hair thing is awful. I mean, it's AWFUL. WHY? Couldn't they just give you bottles to try at home? Instead, after seeing this, I never want to try it, because that's all I'll think about. How women I know had to try it on creepy human hair on a fake mannequin. Gross.

[Jenny]

Every time I think about just starting a blog already, I imagine telling someone I know about it and them staring blankly at me thinking, "she wants to do WHAT? She wants us to go read something? Why not just tell us?" and then I think, so I would not maybe want my real life people reading it, but would WANT strangers to read it? And yes, that is how it is. Very strange. Then I think I'm putting too much thought into it and so I just forget the whole idea.

Also, I can picture the whole living in a commercial thing way too accurately.

[Niki]

You look sensational! Great hair- and I didn't say that because there is a creepy real haired severed head with bad makeup and bad 80's hair right there- I mean- dude- great hair!
I have tried to make cheesecake with Splenda and it was awful! I make fantastic cheesecake- it was the Splenda that frigged it up.

[Georgia]

I kinda gave up on the whole "embarrassed about my blog" thing a while back...somewhere around the time I wrote about being pants-ed in elementry school...and how I have to get my lip waxed...and about having my first orgasm. Being an extroverted introvert is a challenge.

[Amity]

You look super pretty in that picture. :)

[Susan]

Ew, skeeery doll! I very desperately need to pluck that weirdly long lower eyelash she's sporting.

[Lauren]

Totally off subject, but your hair looks AWESOME!

(And that head is creepy)

[Leah]

I met Jenijen at last year's conference and she was (and still is) awesome. Glad you're at least finding the humor in what seems like a particularly weird event.

[Thursday]

I fear I would have lost it on hearing "Didn't you love that cheesecake with Splenda" and would have started snickering.

[Loralee]

Try having the name "Looney Tunes" on your blog.

Not the best decision I have ever made in my life.

P.S.
That head is almost as freaky as clowns. Almost.

[carmen]

That picture doesn't do you justice. You were even more beautiful in person.

[K]

I just found your blog and wanted you to know how much I love the way you write about your life.

[Teej]

There are thousands of us readers? Wow!

[Kristin]

Teej, no. Well, kind of. Around 1000 visitors a day, which is comfortable because I don't really want this blog to be like the old one. But actually, when I think of 1000 people in one room looking at me, I get blotchy. It is good that the Internet is faceless. :-)

[Revcd2007]

Wow that is a scary face up close. It's like looking into me or something.

[jenijen]

I am so very glad that you were there. thank you for being such an amazing friend.
xoxo

[nadine AKA scarbiedoll]

a) You look great and that photo made me realize I miss Jenijen.

b) That head is bizarrely striking -- like it was made of melted Splenda.

Glad you had fun.

[Jenny]

<3 you, hot mama.